introvert

ugh.

i ate a boatload of tortilla chips about 3 hours ago and i am still feeling it.

bloat. uncomfortable belly bloat and this feeling like i will not be hungry again...ever.

i don't think i'll ever need to eat dinner again until the year 2050.

i'm surprised i'm not lying on the bed moaning right now.  one time i drank the entire bowl of broth after finishing an amazing bowl of ramen and instantly started to feel my fingers fatten.  my wedding band felt tight. i waddled home slowly like danny devito's rendition of the penguin in batman returns.

really, jeff should have rolled me home.

i remember lying on the bed on my back feeling like 'THIS IS HOW IT ENDS'.  ramen broth.  death by sodium.  i had done something similar before eating a giant tub of salted peanuts. i told my friend josh about said tub of nuts and announced that my skin felt unreal and 'not like mine' to which he silently shook his head and told me to stop eating things. 

I DID THIS TO MYSELF.  I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME.

on ramen death night i eventually peed and told jeff to not call my parents, i was going to live.

i am almost a ramen death status right now.  not quite there but feeling on the brink.  i set myself up for food disaster today.

i made my way through the morning rain to the gym. i was the only one who managed to make it to 7AM strength training day so i had trainer paisley all to myself which was really nice despite my initial fear that i'd have to work extra hard because no one else was there to distract her.  i can't lie that i fall to my knees during long planks or crap out on doing the last set of something if the teacher isn't looking.

blah, blah, blah you're only cheating yourself.  this ongoing fitspo dialog i have going on in my brain during some workouts is really annoying.

i stopped by the small market on fremont to pick up almond milk and coconut creamer since we were out and i'm still making an effort at eliminating dairy (despite having 2 slices of havarti cheese the day before).   i ended up grabbing some lemons too.  at check out i realized my backpack was too full of sweaty clothes and sneakers and water bottles, travel coffee mugs and a protein shakey thing with the metal ball in it.  i was that damp and sweaty girl on the floor of the beaumont market this morning unpacking her bag like a homeless person trying to fit fake milks into her backpack.  i shoved a lemon into each shoe to keep them from getting squished.

it was still raining which worked in my favor to mask my inability to stop sweating.

i set up shop at a starbucks to get some work done before my hair appointment today and realized again I became 'that' person.  the one who emptied her entire bag again and opened up her gigantic almond milk container to pour into her protein powder and then drank it before ordering anything.  the one who also asked to see the box of coconut milk they use at starbucks (carrageenan!) and then denied it and opened up her personal coconut creamer to pour into her coffee.

it wasn't until i sat down with three beverages in front of me did i realize i had forgotten i was wheat and dairy free and ordered a sausage, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich.

i have a thing for sub-par breakfast sandwiches.  the jankier the better.  the best is the sausage egg mcmuffin from mcdonalds that i have not had since the morning hangover after my 30th birthday. 

i guess that's when i decided i deserved better for myself.

i let go let god and ate the stupid breakfast sandwich because there was no going back and after an hour of one-on-one training. my body was screaming at me for real food.

i typically feed it the protein shake to buy myself some time before my body starts to revolt again but this morning it was not having it.

almond milk and powder. who said this was food?

i got some work done then spent some quality time in a salon chair with my girl kaleena who i am so glad i discovered.  i have not had a regular hair person in a long time that i liked.  being a lady introvert it's always harrowing to have to find a hairdresser who is the right amount of...hairdresser.  i've suffered long uncomfortable haircuts getting bombarded with questions i did not want to answer. on occasion i've had the completely silent haircut which is slightly better but still awkward. kaleena and i can talk and then not talk.  she isn't phased if i'm quiet and we both like it when i ask her questions and she tells me her stories instead of the other way around.  it's a good balance.

par for the course i forget how long it takes to get my hair did and forgot i had a banana in the overstuffed backpack to eat and well...

this is how the tortilla chip overload happened.

i got home and scarfed down 1/2 a carnitas burrito bowl from cha cha cha and most of the gigantic bag of chips.

with guac.

man. 

i hope i pee later and feel better afterwards.

i'm back to the acupuncturist tomorrow.  i'm wondering if she'll be able to tell i'm puffier than normal. i wonder if she'll know it was chips.  i don't know why i think traditional chinese medicine means magic and telepathy.

at least my hair looks good.